I wear this pulp fiction goddess to class every day. It’s made of a premium quality material that can singularly withstand my law school’s unconscionable frigid temps. Unfortunately that lowers my risk for obtaining frost bite and suing for damages, so that I may pay off my insurmountable student loans…. but I digress.
::Down with the Thickness::
As mentioned above, this hoodie's warm AF, which means nothing's getting through this baddie. In fact, you could easily forgo wearing a bra and no one would be the wiser. IBTCs know what I'm talking about.
What are you waiting for? Throw on some Neil Diamond, and let the girls out to breathe.
::Friend of Bill::
As a friendly disclaimer, I do not recommend wearing this to a meeting as it may be triggering for some members, and you may be asked to remove the garment from your person. Hopefully you have not forgone your bra in this scenario.
::Cloak of Invisibility::
As an added bonus, this hoodie has a secret power that protects me from the bane of my existence: the socratic method. I throw up the hood while in class, and instantly I’m shielded from the professor's piercing gaze, dodging his cold calls as if they were bullets and I’m Neo, and this is the matrix.
I realize this part of the review was supposed to focus on the invisibility features. You probably thought I was going to talk about wizards and JK Rowling...but I didn’t. I brought up the matrix. I’m sorry if that upset you. As an aside, I am aware Neo was capable of agent-like speed in the matrix, and not invisibility. I gently remind you that this is my review, and as such this is an autonomy, not a democracy.
However, in the spirt of the fairness and clarity, I am now holding that this hoodie also gives you the power to control the matrix in conjunction with the invisibility power.
Arguendo, my only disappointment with this product is for the simple fact that I can’t wear it at work or when I’m in court. If you’ve ever had the unfortunate task of arguing in general sessions, or speaking with a senior partner at a firm, well then… you know.
Of course I don't fault the hoodie for this. That’s my own fault for choosing to pursue this career in the first place. I understand that there are limits, even in the matrix so it would seem. This hoodie’s super powers must be contained.
So at the very least, do yourself a favor - buy this hoodie, and kiss the cold and the cold-calling goodbye.
::Extra disclaimer:: this hoodie does not contain metaphysical powers. This review is in no way, shape, or form to be construed as a warranty or a false advertisement of this product. This review is based on my opinion, albeit well versed in hyperbole, well within my First Amendment rights, and therefore is not a violation to the FTCA.